Fractions

I was explaining fractions to an imaginary friend,--cute, about 8 or 10, very attentive--when the police car sounded its siren and then through his loud speaker a cop asked me to pull over to the side.

"Hold on," I told the imaginary little girl. "The point slope formula of a line will pull it all together. "

That's when the cop knocked on the window, waiting for me to roll it down. 

"Hey!" I said.

"Did you know the light had turned green?" he asked me, while looking around the car.

"I did."

"Then why didn't you go?"

"Because I didn't notice until you did that thing with your siren." 

"What were you doing before that?"

"I was explaining fractions to my friend's daughter."

"You know you shouldn't be on the phone when you're driving…for just this reason. "

"I wasn't on the phone."

He looked in the car again.

"I meant what were you doing so that you missed the light turning green?"

"Yeah, I told you." 

"Ok, so where is she?"

"Who?"

"Your daughter's friend."

"It's my friend's daughter, and how should I know? Probably at home. Is there a ticket involved or…?"

"Then how could you be explaining fractions to her?" "I started with the concept of a ratio…Oh, no. I get it. I was just explaining them to her as if she were here. You know. To see if I could do it. Not actually explain them to her."

"So, you were rehearsing explaining them to her?"

"Well, no. I've never met her. Just wanted to see if I could. It went over pretty well, though. In case you were wondering."

So, apparently that's illegal, because I had to explain it to a judge. I used the obvious defense, "If you can explain imaginary numbers to real people, why is it wrong to explain real numbers to imaginary people? I think the people have a right to know. And technically, she's not imaginary. She just wasn't physically there. So, I move for immediate dismissal of all charges. "

So, now I'm watching some young Hispanic man sweating through his neck tattoo. 

"What are you in for?" he had asked.

"I was caught explaining fractions to an imaginary person, but here's the thing. She wasn't really imaginary, she just wasn't there."

So now I have the bench all to myself.

Now, if this cell is one of eight, how much of the jail do I control?

One-eighth, very good, Karen,.. or whatever your name is.